"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else" - Tyler Durden from the movie Fight Club

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open mind" -Malcolm Forbes, US Art Collector, Author and Publisher, from his interview in Forbes Magazine

Humility? Does it Help?

This is X Arts, a premier brotherhood for seduction... but why the heck are we talking about Humility?

Believe it or not, this is a relevant topic. Humility helps because:

In fact, the reason why I'm writing this is because, I've noticed recently that a lot of people are becoming boastful about what they know, especially in the community. They achieve a little success, and then they think they already "know it all", and thus conduct seminars and bootcamps on the matter. That's dangerous because not only are you unattractive, you're spreading your "unattractiveness" to others by teaching them what you know.

Another reason I'm writing this is because, people in general, myself included, do not take criticisms well. We usually don't deal with criticism in the correct, most constructive and helpful manner. Our usual reflex to criticism is to defend ourselves and justify our actions. That is just closing your mind to growth, as well as to just looking foolish.

I admit I've been guilty of this as well, so don't worry if you think you are the only one who has this problem.

Criticism: Essential to Life

Criticism is essential to life. Instead of avoiding it like a disease or looking at it from a negative standpoint, we should learn to deal with it in a positive way. It doesn't matter if the criticism is negative or positive, or destructive or constructive. What matters is 1.) our willingness to take it and 2.) our response to it.

Self-Criticism vs. External Criticism

I am aware that a lot of people have "autocorrection mechanisms" - meaning they know how to criticize themselves, how to spot their own flaws, and instantly corrects themselves. And that's one of the reasons they don't want - they even say they don't need - to hear other people's criticisms of them because "they already know" (here we go on the know-it-all attitude again).

While I applaud these people for having these autocorrection tendencies, the fact remains that you're just a human being, and you can't see nor cover everything about yourself that needs to be addressed. That's where criticisms come in. They fill the gap about what you usually don't know.

Destructive Criticism vs. Constructive Criticism

There are 2 kinds of external criticism, the destructive one, and the constructive one.

Constructive criticism is that designed to help you, not destroy you. People who genuinely care for you are usually the ones who give this type of criticism at you. Both criticisms are actually helpful and useful, believe it or not. Constructive criticisms are useful and helpful to you because it is intended to help you, and more often than not, is accurate. In fact, I'd appreciate a constructive criticism more than flattery or compliments (which is usually a power play to manipulate you). A true friend would say more constructive criticisms than just compliments and positive things to you.

On the other hand, destructive criticism is the type of criticism designed to destroy you, not to help you. People who wish you ill are usually the ones who throw this type of criticism at you. Destructive criticism is useful to the extent that it motivates you. You let these types of criticism fuel you to drive you faster to your goal. With it, you become more motivated to reach your goal in the soonest possible time, and then you act accordingly.

Case History

Ted Williams, the baseball legend, used destructive criticism to be the legend that he is today. During his time, he would intentionally attack and irritate the media, prompting the media to launch various rants about him as a baseball player. Because of these various attacks on him, he became much more motivated to prove them wrong, and thus, he performed better every time he was criticized by the media. As a matter of fact, he performed at his best every time he was criticized by the media, and usually had a sub-par performance when the criticism stopped. He knew that destructive criticism fuels him, so he intentionally provoked the media to attack him.

Another sports icon that used this type of criticism to have better performances is Kobe Bryant, the basketball icon and soon-to-be hall of famer and legend. He usually performed better when he was criticized. This was amplified during his criminal trial for the rape charge against him back in 2004. During that time, it is very noticeable that whenever he had a trial hearing in the morning, he would drop 40+ or 50+ points in the evening against their playoff opponent - the Kevin Garnett-led Minnesota Timberwolves. It was like he turns into a monster during the trial, and unleashes his wrath on their opponent thereafter.

The MindShift:

Having discussed all the positive effects of hearing criticism, we should be looking forward to hearing it. To effectively do this, this is my assignment to you:

Instead of saying "I hope I don't have any mistakes and I don't get any criticism today"...

Find any 1 person and ask him "What is 1 trait about me that is unattractive or bad that you would want me to change?"

How do Deal with Criticism

People don't usually know how to deal with criticisms, even constructive ones. As I've said above, our usual response is to justify our actions and defend ourselves, masking our mistakes with well-crafted arguments and reasons.

An alternative way to dealing with criticism is to:

1. LISTEN. Don't cut the other person when he/she is criticizing. Cutting the other person off would totally change how he/she views the situation or trait that he/she is criticizing and thus, he or she will modify it just so you won't cut him/her off.
2. If it's constructive, take it is a reason to change yourself, and don't justify your actions. If it's destructive, make it a reason to motivate you to prove them wrong.

That's it! Hope this article helps in your journey to becoming a better person overall.